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Your own fantasy

I am not going to give much detail about myself because if you are regular reader of my blog, you all might very well know me. Many of you even have read about the how many up and down me I have gone through in my life. And as all of you know I am  a single woman who have to face a lots problem in day to day life. The level of these problems is varying from time to time. If you are woman reading this post you would surely relate to it.
One  of the problem which we (woman) suffer is the sudden change in hormone level of our body which creates all kind of cravings in us.  India is country where it’s a taboo when woman who is single talks about her physical and emotional need.
It’s not that I have never been in a relationship…. But yes I have virginity tag with me. This means I have never ever tried to have any sexual relationship. It doesn’t mean I don’t have any kind of desire, but it’s actually that my standards are extreme. I have a very good self control on my desire. But there are times when you feel emotionally exhausted.
I have been broken emotionally a lot.  Even though I have been in love twice and try to participate in a good relationship. I don’t find my best match who could understand me. Well, I couldn’t say that this is totally true, because recently I met someone. I can’t discuss much about him. 
He is one of those personalities that I idealize. I secretly have crush on him. It’s not that he is not aware of it. During one of our phone conversations I got indulge in the flow so badly that I confessed all my dirty secrets to him. But its life; you can’t be with the one you always desire.  For me it’s like a dress which extremely out of my budget. I won’t explain why I can’t be with this man… actually there are lot of obstacle that I have to cross to reach him. And even after that sometimes I am not sure about this life.
 We both are the two different poles  that are attracted to each other but can’t stay together …..It was more comfortable for me to accept him as a friend who always there for me rather than expecting a fantasized love partner.
Everyday being near to him increases my heartbeat.  I know I am being blunt here… yes I idealize him. And if there wouldn’t have been any obstacles like family background, cultural background or another complex life drama I would really go for it…but in fact I am spectator with a soft complicated heart. I can’t just always go with flow because times never gives you time to regret.
So, even when I could feel that feeling and the burn of one sided love again …I won’t let my feelings sway with it now.
PS. I am still single …and I idealizing a person and falling for someone is two different things. Sometimes those three hours of your life can give so many memories which can give you lifetime happiness.


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